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the blood-brain barrier.

museum mouth
External Services:
  • sober_up@livejournal.com

i took a shower and tried to catch my breath.
you were lying on top of the bedspread
in boxer shorts, watching cartoons and laughing but not making any sound.
your skin looked blue in the television light.
your teeth looked yellow.
still wet, i lay down next to you. your arms, your legs, your naked chest,
your ribs delineated like a junkyard dogs.
there’s nowhere to go, i thought. there’s nowhere to go.
you were sitting in a bathtub at the hospital and you were crying.
you said it hurt.
i mean the buildings that were not the hospital.
i shouldn’t have mentioned the hospital.
i don’t think i can take this much longer.
in the dream i don’t tell anyone, you put your head in my lap.
let’s say you’re driving down the road with your eyes closed
but my eyes are also closed.
you’re by the side of the road.
you’re by the side of the road and you’re doing all the talking
while i stare at my shoes.
they’re nice shoes, brown and comfortable, and i like your voice.
in the dream i don’t tell anyone, i’m afraid to wake you up.
in these dreams it’s always you:
the boy in the sweatshirt,
the boy on the bridge, the boy who always keeps me
from jumping off the bridge.
oh, the things we invent when we are scared
and want to be rescued.

our father who art in heaven, save me from this wreck i'm about to drown in.
hedonism, my monster heart


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